4 Things to do to Improve your confidence

Naruto and Hinata
“We must become aware of what we believe about ourselves. By doing so, we can change those beliefs that are not serving us.” Louise L. Hay

We are not born with a self-confidence button that we can press when we need to feel confident. Instead we gain it by doing things and acquiring confidence that way.

We learned to communicate with Mum and Dad through different cries. We found out we could get attention that way. We learned to drink milk, we learned to eat soft food, we learn cycling skills by practising. As we got older, we made friends and learned conversational skills. Some had better, happier and more progressive childhoods than others, but all of us learned by doing. Our skills were acquired.

You may already be a confident person. You have come this far. Pat yourself on the back. But you may be thinking ‘I want to get better. I can still improve.’ You can ride the bicycle. You fell off a lot. There were bruises and knocks, but you did learn to ride. You have confidence to do that. But you want other skills. You are not satisfied with being a one-trick pony. Good for you. You have the awareness, and you have the desire. Now let’s add determination and perseverance.

Wouldn’t it be nice to feel confident about everything and ourselves? Self-confidence is your belief in yourself; what you believe you can and cannot do. Here are four things you can do to improve your confidence levels:

  1. Take up a joint interest with a friend or partner.

Our friends exert a surprising amount of influence over our self-confidence. We hang out with them and some of them are quite negative thinking people. We pick up on that and walk around with it. I’m not saying to ditch all your friends. However, I am saying it is necessary to choose those close to you wisely. You need friends that can challenge your interests and creativity instead of spending all day complaining or whining about this and that.

Let’s say, for example, you are a climber and have a friend or partner that climbs too. You are more than likely to go climbing and spend most of your time talking about climbing routes, holds and such like ( I’m speaking from personal experience.).Climbing with others helps build trust quickly (it is essential.), and it’s a very supportive relationship you create with your climbing buddy.

To have a healthy self-confidence, you need to try to surround yourself with people that are looking for the same things that you are.

  1. Be your best friend first

Do you ever hear that voice inside you that tells you that you are not going do something right? You may have a new project at work, college or you are starting a new business. You feel scared and nervous about the unknown outcome. It is okay to feel anxious and fearful but go forward bravely even though you are scared and see where it will take you. We have this inner voice that criticises, and we tend to listen, and sometimes we struggle to start on any project because we have heard that voice. What you need to do if your negative inner voice is louder than your positive one is read or watch materials by other people who have achieved what you want to achieve. You will eventually start to imagine and believe you will be okay with a new project because your positive inner voice will begin to get louder and more assertive than the negative one. The point here is your best friend is yourself. That positive inner voice. Learning to listen and change your thinking patterns is an essential and tremendous skill to have.

  1. Show self-gratitude

I am sure you know the meaning or the definition of the word ‘gratitude’ so there is no need to spend time expanding on it here.

Have you ever had that warm, happy feeling when you present a gift to someone, and they respond excitedly with those magic words ‘thank you.’ It brings happiness to your soul. You feel the same way when the affairs of life are going in the direction you want them to. When you get that job, you have wanted for so long or that longed-for Christmas gift. When someone does something for us, we feel closer to them. The bond between us grows more substantial.

But showing gratitude is not just about showing your appreciation to others. You can show gratitude to yourself. And it does so much for your mental well-being. When you say ‘thank you’ to yourself, it heals your inner self; you feel good and happy with yourself. You may think that you have nothing to thank yourself for., but I bet you have achieved so much in your life already and if you were to share it with other people they would be amazed as to what you had to face in life to achieve your successes. You can start with a gratitude notebook and even if you have to start small do it. Even if it is as seemingly small as the following, do it: ‘I am thanking myself, for getting up this morning or I thank myself for going to work on this cold and rainy day.’ You can find something to thank yourself for every day.

  1. Forgive yourself

You may have experienced traumatic life-changing events that have left you feeling angry and caused you difficulty in dealing with life. You may also have done some things in your past life that you are not proud of and so your mind takes the opportunity to play tricks on you. You can make those things work for you by using them to create a better tomorrow.

Forgiveness is hard to achieve. We constantly replay the hurts and unfairness. Letting go can be difficult. A therapist or life coach can help. Exploring the origins of problems in order to eradicate them and formulate the way forward is very powerful.

The Hawaiians have this beautiful forgiveness prayer you can say to yourself. ‘I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, and I love you.’

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what’s happened, but it’s about you making a conscious decision to grant mercy to the person who hurt you. I am not saying to go back to your abuser to tell them you have forgiven them nor are you making excuses for them. It means you are releasing what is inside of you.

Finally, if you want help, I am happy to coach you via zoom. Click on the client coaching intake form and I will email you form if you can complete it and email it back to me. We can arrange the time and date and begin to work on your confidence.

Hinata from Naruto
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The climbing hub bradford

If you are looking for something to do than the climbing hub in Bradford is opening is doors for the public. I’m really excited and can’t wait to go and have a good climbing session with my family.

Yellow Rose 🌹

Snowing deeply 
Cars trapped, the sound of the engine is all that can be heard
Woolly hats and gloves are worn 
Smiles and good cheer spread as if Christmas has come again
It’s February, a few days to March, snow everywhere 
Children laughing and praying for no school 
Parents dreading the chaos of work and child-care
But it’s time also for flowers to blossom 
One in particular is the yellow rose
A yellow rose, a  sign for
joy, wisdom and power
Just like a snowflake, fragile, but powerful enough to cause chaos 
A rose that isn’t loved in the right way becomes empty and devastated
She can be surrounded by thick snow and blossom, but is on autopilot 
But when loved and protected by the richness of words of wisdom, she will find  peace, and sledge through deep snow like a child full joy and happiness
The yellow rose can be sad even though the sun shines brightly
Many people have touched the yellow rose, but without love 
But one mighty knight singing at the top of his lungs can change all that, then the yellow rose begins to blossom with joy, wisdom and power
She becomes the flower she is intended to be
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Redefining working from home

Working from home can sometimes feel like being stuck in a train station watching the  ‘trains delayed’ display. Going nowhere with your creative juices.There is a certain ‘buzz’ you get when working in the office. Chatting with colleagues, sharing ideas, getting different perspectives. All that sort of thing. Working from home has a different feel to it. The kids might be playing computer games in the room next door, the dog barks evry time it hears a noise, the neighbours are having noisy renovations. There are distractions. It becomes like the horror movie ‘Us’ where the Wilson family gets attacked and the people doing the attacking look very much like them.Learn Together Grow

Lockdown: working from home

Not many people have the mindset to live and work from home. It is dificult to separate work and home life. But for many people lockdown has made it necessary. At first it may seem like fun. Freedom from the office and a great way to have extra time with the family. Plus saving on the expense and stress of getting to and from the office. But lockdown has left many people feeling overwhelmed, depressed, stressed and unable to manage their feelings, it is tricky working from home. It is not that you don’t love your family. But it brings its own set of problems.We need to learn to safeguard ourselves from the anxiety, depression and  other emotional issues that covid-19 is currently throwing at us.

If you are struggling to cope emotionally the best course of action is to sit down and evaluate what is happening. Are you chasing pre-covid goals you had set for yourself and your family? If so, maybe you ought to think of re-evaluating your position. Ask yourself ‘Have I lost focus?’ When you lose focus, you find yourself in tune with the background noise of life and use that noise to generate self-destructive thoughts. Instead, create a vision board for:

  1. Your Job
  2. Your Family
  3. Your Finances
  4. Your emotional experiences

On this vision board write a three-year goal for the four categories and then break these goals into months, weeks and days. Be realistic about it; don’t rush it. For example with your current working- at- home job your goal could be getting up at 6am to work for a couple of hours before taking the kids to school. Do a few more  hours after dropping the kids off.  Every day you achieve that goal tick the box that you have done it. You will soon get into the swing of things and it will become natural. And all those annoying and irritating distractions will become less noticeable.  Do it for 30 days and you will see a massive transformation in how you work at home, you will get a lot done.and experience a great uplift in personal well-being.

Writing a long term goal allows you to bring into focus a future that is attainable and saves energy and time when thinking about the day and days ahead. It puts you in charge. You are not allowing the day to dictate to you, rather you are dictating to the day.

Personally I wake at 4am each day. I read my book, then get ready, get my kids up, get them ready, make breakfast, drive them to school, get back home and work again, cook, do my designated house chore for that day and then go to collect my kids, give them dinner and then I am back in my home- office working while they play and run around ( I have become immune to the background noise.) As I write this post  my kids are running up and down the stairs chasing each other. This is something I could not have handled well in May 2020.

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How to help your daughters learn to care for their fingernails

I have a confession to make. When I trained as a beauty therapist back in 2005 and then did my diploma in 2007, I had no intention of working as a beauty therapist. Being a perfectionist, I wanted to know the secrets of personal maintenance: how to take care of myself and to teach my future children to look after themselves without using harmful products.

The cost of the training was exorbitant. When I found I was pregnant with my first child, before I completed my beauty training, I went into a bit of financial panic. We had spent money and didn’t expect a baby soon. So, I decided to look at my career options. I used to work as an administrative assistant, and then in customer services and occasionally waiting tables at restaurants, but with the pregnancy came morning sickness and there were some jobs I just could not do. So, I decided to work from home practising my new beauty skills. I had been giving a few ladies free treatment, and I decided to start charging them a small fee. Soon, I was advertising my business and the business grew. But it wasn’t easy. I had my baby monitor and would run upstairs when the baby cried and then back down to finish the treatment. At first this was fun for everyone. The clients loved it. I did too and my baby daughter had her mummy on-call. But after a while it became difficult. I wasn’t enjoying the extra preparation I had to do before a client came. Feeding the baby, changing nappies, putting the baby to sleep, taking our dog for a long walk so she wouldn’t bark when the clients were here. All this was stressful. So, I worked for six months and then took a long break and reopened my service when I felt I could cope. I had loyal clients who went to other therapists but came back to me when I re-opened. This continued until I finally closed the business permanently in 2020 when Covid-19 started to be mentioned in the news.

This wasn’t just my decision, but a family decision. Being a single mum, I like to include Mummy and children in some important decisions that affect our lives. I have three children: ages 12 to 9, and they have never experienced having our house just being ours. It was shared with my clients even though my clients didn’t meet my children.

My children shared their thoughts about their wish to just have our home as ours and not to share. So, in order for me to not be tempted to reopen the business, I turned my old beauty room into a kids’ entertainment room. It’s not perfect, but they love it. And it feels so good to just walk around the house and know it is our space, our home. I am still working from home but this time it is different. I am selling stuff online and coaching via video chat which means that we don’t have strangers on the doorstep any more.

 

That is when I noticed my relationship with my two daughters changing. They wanted to learn to take care of their little bodies. They used to ask me questions and I was so tired I would brush them off with ‘ I’ll tell you later’ excuses. I now have the energy to sit down with them, talk to them and work out the answers.

My two daughters asked me about looking after their nails. They wanted long nails. I explained that during the holidays and lockdown I was okay with them letting their nails grow, but when they went back to school, they had to cut them short.

In part, the lockdown has brought my children and me even closer. And they are closer with each other than ever. They still have the five-minute-sibling sibling fights, but not that often.

This is what I shared with my daughters regarding nails

1. Nail Biting: Don’t do it. One of my daughters used to like biting her nails. I explained that biting your nails all the time causes a bacterial infection that slows skin and nail growth. So, first thing was to stop biting. I made it clear that if they wanted me to help them, the nail-biting had to stop.

2. Always Start With: The base coat Apply the nail polish using the base coat first. The base coat acts like proactive solider, protecting the layer between the nail polish and the top layer of the nail.

3. Multivitamins: Take them All my children have grown up knowing the importance of taking multivitamins. I told them to continue to take them every morning. It will help them with nail growth and help strengthen their immune system.
4. Last, but not least; They have to practise for themselves I was going to paint their nails but decided to let them do it themselves. I bought them their kit and encouraged them to practise on each other. They have now become very proficient and are proud to come and show me their masterpieces.

My girls listen to what I teach them. We disagree on some things. I am not always right. Teaching is not about being right all the time. It is about learning together. I teach them, but sometimes they teach me We all learn better when we share what we know. Both teacher and taught. The goal behind my initial beauty training has started to unfold before my very eyes.

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