Season’s End

The sky is grey
The Earth is cold
The ground is wet
The trees are crying because the branches are cracking
The cracking branches are saying their goodbyes to the falling leaves
The wet grass embraces the dying leaves
The dying leaves have left their home until the next time
For a new season is awake.

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Sitting on a mesh garden chair stained by old bird poo
Listening to the neighbours’ kids crying over something or other
Listening to the morning glory of birds chatting to one another
I know they’re a-chatting
One whistle and after a second or two the other whistles back
There are other birds chatting, but these two are distinct
It’s like listening to my girlfriend and me chatting
We give each other a few seconds to reply
We chat for hours over unimportant matters
We have been chatting like this for well over twenty-four years
And listening to these two birds there was something familiar
The same pitch of whistling from one to the other
I can’t see them because the garden trees now have beautiful green leaves
I have listening for about 20 minutes
No sound of them stopping anytime soon
It’s quite beautiful really
Me listening
Me being this silent for this long without uttering a word, first thing in the morning
It’s times like this I need to remind myself ‘Just listen’

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Why men procrastinate more than women

Is this you? You have to get something done; really, really have to get it done, but you put it off for a few days, the days become weeks and the weeks become ……?  Then you decide to do what you were putting off;  but out of nowhere, you have an inspiration to do some gardening, and then when you have done the gardening you decide you must wash your car and then you think it is a long time since you were in the pub so you go and have a pint and then the deadline is fast approaching and you go into panic mode.

I did not realise the impact of procrastination upon our society until I started digging into the subject.

There have been researches into the matter by psychologists. With the current COVID-19 pandemic, I personally believe the procrastination habits in society have increased massively. COVID-19 has put us into lockdown, taking away our freedom of choice in many ways. In an astonishingly short space of time things we once took for granted have gone. Disappeared. And we wait and wonder when or if they will come back.

I used to volunteer for two charity organisations: Emmaus and Family Action both support vulnerable people.  And both of them have had to create new and safe ways of supporting people via telephone, video chats and social media groups, which is great, but I do wonder if the increase in our online activities has also made us a bit lazy and increased society’s levels of procrastination.

There are many reasons we procrastinate. Here is just an example that applies to both men and women.


We have instant access, literally at our fingertips. Want to eat pizza or Chinese? Just open an app and your order is delivered to your door. I use the internet and social media sparingly. I place orders for food on special occasions. Please understand. I think there are advantages to the internet and social media platforms. But they can lead very easily to distractions which so easily cause procrastination.

If you are self-employed (or work from home) the temptation is extremely high. Running a business is hard. You have to rely on yourself for motivation, planning, creating websites, finding ways to attract people to your website etc.  and then you see a pop-up game. It screams at you ‘just take one minute and play me’. Next thing you know you are hooked. Why? The stress and anxiety from your business and, maybe, the lack of income from your business venture causes you to look for temporary relief elsewhere.

Procrastination comes from our thoughts, emotions and consciousness.  Mostly we use it to self-distract. Procrastination can cause people to become poor, gain weight, lose jobs. The list goes on. The process is something like this: I have no clients for my business; no clients means no income; I have no clients and no income, therefore, I am useless. And once you start to believe that you are useless, the thoughts in your head get louder and more aggressive so you need a way to deal with them so you start overeating, you start playing online games, you start watching YouTube. Anything except dealing with the roots of the problem.

Do women have an advantage when it comes to procrastination?

Whilst procrastination affects both men and women, I believe that women are at an advantage in that they do talk to their girlfriends in a way that men don’t talk to their friends.  In what way does that assist with procrastination? Because they want to have something to boast about. That is the motivation. It is as simple as that. It is a sharing of lives, a sharing of life’s achievements. I am speaking as a woman. We tell our girlfriends about new projects, and then the next time we meet we know we will have to give an update on how things are going. We instinctively compete with each other. Whilst we do procrastinate, we have an incentive not to do it. A fear of being left out of the loop. A fear of being seen to fail.

Men, on the other hand, whilst competitive in some ways (sports, girlfriends etc.) are not ashamed to be seen as procrastinators.  So, men, if you know you are procrastinating, and know it; do something about it. Don’t waste your talent. Analyse what is going on in your life.  Calculate what procrastination is costing you. And seek the help of a mentor or a life coach.

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black and red typewriter
Are your writer struggling to submit your work on time

If you are a writer there is so much you have to do in pitching your work to magazines, newspapers, publishers etc. Starting to write the actual story or feature can be the easiest step but continuing to write you may well come up against the well-known writer’s block. I know this only too well. I joined a writers’ group a while back before COVID-19 changed all our lives.  I love writing. I would start an article, but then my mind would just stop. The flow of the river would suddenly disappear as if diverted down some subterranean cavern. I was given an opportunity to write some articles for a dating site – Plenty of Fish– you may have heard of them. I blew the opportunity because I kept putting it off, I did the first draft and sent it off. They asked me to review the work, but I felt so stressed that my mind’s creative mode would not breathe life into anything.

landscape photography of mountains covered in snow
Waiting for The fog to lift

I can hear several voices at once, where am I?

A gentle voice calls out; ‘Help, help, save me.’

None trust me, I am alone

Trapped in my own thoughts

Fearful and terrified, day and night

Can’t sleep, paranoid, someone is calling me

No, No, someone is following me

They look like me, maybe; I am not sure

What should I do?

‘Doctor, Doctor, help me, help me.’

They can’t hear me

I suddenly drift asleep, remembering nothing.

Of the past event except for a headache

A very faint memory has left a bitter taste in my mouth

As I examine myself, I see my ugly self

I am ashamed that every time I wake from.

Such a nightmare my family fearful of me

But I hear them whispering about what has happened

I look normal outside, but inside if you were to examine me

You will surely find a helpless me

Tell me, do you feel helpless at times?

Maybe, you could be my friend.

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No Educational Slavery: Don’t Take Our Hard-Earned Money Only To Fail Us

A Fair Deal For Black People

‘Education, education, education.’ You remember that? That was the Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1997 to 2007 launching Labour’s education manifesto on 23 May 2001.

‘ Our top priority was, is and always will be education, education, education. To overcome decades of neglect and make Britain a learning society, developing the talents and raising the ambitions of all our young people.’

So why hasn’t it happened for a significant sector of our young people. Why hasn’t it happened for young, black people?

Why are young black students under-represented in our universities?

Why do a larger percentage of black students fail compared to their white counterparts?

And why is it that according to the latest figures, out of 14,000 British professors only 50 are black?

Our universities have to answer these questions. They cannot, they must not retreat behind their red-brick walls and pretend all is well. All is, most definitely, not well in the ancient Land of Learning.

All is not well in the Land of Learning because our institutions of learning remain in the Dark Ages.

All is not well in the Land of Learning because our institutions of learning have learned nothing about learning.

All is not well in the Land of Learning because our institutions of learning have not yet learned that it is their job and duty to enable students to pass examinations not fail them.

Our institutions of learning must leave behind the time-worn, old fashioned and foolish idea that intelligence, ability and achievement can only be demonstrated in a narrow and artificial way that the schools of learning consider ‘academic.’

Our academies of learning must grow up and leave their childish ways behind.

Many black families are mortgaging their futures to enable their sons and daughters to go to university only to be betrayed  by a system that knows little about teaching but a great deal about snatching hard-earned money. When are the universities going to wake up to the fact that their part of the deal is to get students to pass the course. If a student fails, it is a failure by the university and they have no right to be paid for that failure.

We do, we must insist upon this: failure by the university means no payment to the university.

Only when those who consider themselves mighty in mind are hit in their pockets for their incompetence will we see  ‘education, education, education’ have any meaning at all.

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40 Today

Today, I am 40. 

Today, at 6am I got woken up by three little excited angels. Singing, jumping and celebrating my birthday. It’s a little like Christmas morning. 

But it’s my 40 th birthday and my three little wise angels have excelled themselves this year

( they are a little older and a little wiser.)

The cappuccino tastes even better and the breakfast in bed was delicious. 

I am proud to be getting older because I get to see the miracle of watching my three little wise angels flourish.

They saved their pocket money to buy me three gifts:

A mug that says 40. 

A beautifully decorated bracelet that I absolutely love. 

And a beautiful scarf that so matches the bracelet. 

I am so proud today as I look at their little smiley, joyful faces. 

I am so proud to see how they have grown to be kind, patient and compassionate young people. I am filled with warmth and happiness. 

I wonder how I could  possibly be blessed  with such amazing people in my life. They make every day a miracle and a blessing. 

I want to thank God for blessing me with these three little wise angels to walk by my side.

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Set Us Free

It came in disguise

Lurking underneath the sandcastle where an innocent girl was rebuilding certain demolished parts of the castle

It was something dangerous and caning

The girl had seen her entire life hurt and betrayed

Every betrayal came in disguise 

She was an abandoned child

Her father died before she was born

No image of him was given to her

Her mother gripped by fear gave her daughter away

Her days were full of trials and tribulations 

But she had many dreams and her beliefs brought into being a life full success 

Yet the ghost of childhood continues to emerge in her life

What potion can she take

What magic word can she say out loud to free her from this beast 

She knows now that it wasn’t her fault but breaking the pattern is hard

He now comes in a spirit of love and gentleness

He comes with a good heart, but his words are deceitfully delicious to her soul

She lets herself believe that he cares

And no harm will come to her

She has one thing right 

No bruises to hide

But she feels powerless and strapped every time

She wants him, close, he has that magical way with her

Every time she escapes, he comes to meet her at the same place, the same time, when she’s rebuilding her castle 

His face 

His personality 

Different every time

He doesn’t just grab her by the hand

He is more sophisticated

He asks for permission 

She hopes that this time with his new face and personality he would love her, protect her from the darkness 

She thinks that maybe he would weep her tears when the nightmares comes back to hunt her

But instead he has plans of his own

She is just the little girl he needs to boost his ego

She knows how to take care of someone like him

She was well taught after all

He wants things to be discreet 

This sends her into obedience mode

He says gently but repeats it often

She thinks she can get out 

But finds herself inside a bird’s cage

Where she can’t touch the sand

She watches how her beautiful castle crumbles slowly

She is now loyal to him

He has no sense of direction 

No purpose, he is in a mess

He is afraid to leave the other woman who cannot fulfil his needs 

He is afraid of being alone, so he refuses to leave the other woman 

Everyone knows her

What would friends’ and family say

What disgrace 

How would the kids cope if he was brave enough to leave?

For the sake of the kids, he tells himself 

The girl in the cage will help, he thinks

She does for a while 

Then the other woman seduces him

And he leaves the girl in her cage

With lies, hurtful words

He is weak

If only he could leave the other woman 

Be free to start something better for himself 

Love himself 

Reconnect with himself 

Free to be a good role model for his sons and daughters 

Setting the other woman free, she too could make a better life for herself 

And he wouldn’t have needed to go out and find innocent girls to play with

Because they would be free to finish rebuilding the sandcastle and have a better future

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How to stop procrastinating and start achieving your goals

Is procrastination stopping you from achieving your goals?

Are you spending more time on social media or in front of the telly instead of tackling that job you have been putting off? If you could do something about the way your mind is causing you to procrastinate would you do it?

I specialise in coaching/mentoring people who struggle with procrastination. I am fascinated and passionate about helping others overcome procrastination because I experienced it in my personal and work life many years ago. I let many opportunities slip away until I learned how to unblock the negative thinking that caused me to procrastinate.

Coaching and mentoring can help you find answers, gain awareness and the strength to change your negative thinking into a healthy positive approach that will get you on the road to your goals.

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Learning to Grow Through Painful Challenges

It was one cold morning, I was driving my kids to school in my grey Kia Carens; the grey colour of my car reflecting the English weather spot on that Monday morning. My life was in pieces: the stress of my divorce, stress from studying for my postgraduate Certificate in Business and Executive Coaching, and stress from raising three young children without relatives around for support. So, when I failed my postgraduate Certificate in Business and Executive coaching in 2017 by 5%, it left me exhausted and broken inside.

The stress levels seemed eternally unstoppable. My only source of strength and escapism was to listen to motivational speakers, successful coaches and to self-coach. Listening to great men and women who had struggled through life and yet had become an inspiration to many. They filled me with hope as, slowly, I saw a way forward. I knew I was filled with overwhelming fear inside , but I had to show strength on the outside for the sake of my kids.

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